This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
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