Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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