he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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