take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
