Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i was born a porn star she said
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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