How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just pee around me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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