Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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