Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
