I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
