i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
COCAINE IS GR8
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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