you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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