I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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