i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
