I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
