She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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