I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
