I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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