He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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