I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
