I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
bring money and cleavage
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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