Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
