i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
