There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
MIDGETS
????
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
