Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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