i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
