I hate all girls vehemently.
false alarm. still invincible.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
