How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
