he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
