I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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