That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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