i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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