You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
