i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
