I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
