You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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