Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
