I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
