I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
