Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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