i think my tv is drunk
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
