i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
