my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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