I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
