I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
