I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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