I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
