i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
