She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
