Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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