just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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